Anger is neither good nor bad! It is simply energy.

It is your natural emotional energy that arises when you feel like something (or someone) is blocking you from getting what you need or want. For this purpose, anything on the frustration to rage continuum is considered anger.

Without making any judgments about whether you should need or want any particular thing, here is how you can direct your own supercharged energy.

1. First, accept the fact that you are not perfect and that nobody else is perfect, either. This seems self-evident, but a surprising

number of people expect themselves to get everything right the first time, often without instruction.

2. Drop your defensiveness. Feedback feels like criticism to many people.

When you are tempted to explain why you behaved as you did, and why you could not possibly have done anything differently, stop yourself.

When is criticism most painful?

* When you're happily minding your own business and don't expect it at all?
* When you already know you've made a mistake and are trying to correct it?
* When someone is "only trying to help you" by offering you "feedback" that you have not asked for and don't need or want?

Criticism that masquerades as feedback is usually an unskilled way to call your attention to something that someone else considers a problem.

Dialogue is a different kind of conversation. It's a way of exploring and understanding information and ideas. When practiced, it draws on and uses the wisdom of everyone involved.

It is easier to create an argument than it is to create a dialogue. You do this when you have a different opinion than someone else about how to solve a problem, and you act as if there is one correct answer and your task is find it.

What do you do when you want to be attractive to others? Do you buy new clothes, new cosmetics, or new gifts to give away? Do you try to tell people what they want to hear? Do you bend over backwards to be nice to them?

Do you wonder why some people easily attract friends, relationships and customers, while others rarely seem to be successful in their quests?

If you think carefully about the people who are attractive to you, you will probably notice that what makes them attractive is a combination of who they are and how they act.

Everyone procrastinates, it is a natural response to ambivalence.

One part of yourself wants to do something, or believes that it should be done. At the same time another part of you is worried about the consequences of doing what you want to do or is more interested in doing something else with your time and energy.

A lot of energy can be expended in this tug-of-war, further draining your resources.

What do you tell yourself when you run into a problem? Do you think about how to fix whatever is wrong, or do you get stuck?

The story you tell yourself about who you are in the world has an enormous influence on how you approach problems. There are lots of different popular story themes that lead to different actions.

"I'm a competent person.

Rhonda, a solopreneure, started to write a paper for her MBA program at ten in the evening. She worked until 1:00 a.m.. Then, satisfied that the paper could be turned in class the following evening, finally went to bed.

The next morning at work, feeling exhausted, she berated himself for waiting until the last possible time to get her homework done.

Do you have the experience of feeling accepted, cared about, and important when you are with others, or are you worried about being rejected, forgotten, or abandoned?

Probably, like most of us, you feel comfortable and secure in some situations, and insecure and a little scared in others. A lot probably depends upon how connected you feel to the people you are with, and your past experiences with them.

You can't get enough of something if it isn't what you really need. This statement attributed to philosopher Eric Hoffer, is the basis of understanding all addictive behavior.

If you need something (perhaps rest), but think that you should not need it, you may stumble upon something that makes you feel better temporarily (perhaps coffee) and think that is a solution to your problem.

Whenever you start replaying conversations about what you could or should have said to someone else, as if you are still trying to change something that can't be changed, you are wasting your energy.

A simple letter-writing exercise that many of my clients have used can help you re-energize yourself.

*If a relationship has ended

*If someone has power over you and you can't confront them directly

*If someone has died

*If a stranger almost caused an accident

*If someone stole something from you or destroyed your property

This exercise can help you to stop obsessing about what happened and get on with doing what is important to you now.